Did I mention that I'm not very consistent?

Its obviously been a little while since I posted. I have this problem that only I can relate to: I have great intentions and minimal follow-through. I was thinking the other day about what I could post and nothing came or I ran out of time. There's a great line in a song by the quirk-rock group "They Might Be Giants" that sums it all up nicely: "Now its over I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want--or I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do."

My son was sick last Saturday night. I hate when my children are sick. I hate the helpless feeling I have when my son can't move his head without it hurting, or cries because he hurts so badly. I hate the feeling I get when he says " I hurt" and I am powerless to keep him from going through this alone. I stayed up all night with him and held him and gave him more tylenol when his four hours were up. I don't want to assume that I know exactly how it is, but everytime this happens I feel that I become closer to God. As I stayed up with Matthew and rocked him gently, I ached for him. When he cried out in pain I silently prayed that if it were possible, God would let his pain pass to me so he wouldn't have to bear it. When his fever ran high and his pain was greater, I pleaded with him to please take the medicine that would make him better. I know it sounds cheesy, but maybe if you have kids you know what I'm talking about?
I think about God as a loving Father in Heaven. I think about him knowing how much this life hurts at times and how important it is to Him that we go through this life and face those pains and challenges and grow from them. I can picture Him giving us the Savior and pleading with us to please take the medicine he has offered. As I htink about my life's choices and the effects those choices had on me and others, I wonder how many times I cried out in pain that my Father wanted to take from me and the times I refused to take the medicine that my Father offered because I didn't think I'd like the taste.

More to follow . . .