What is it about a Buick?

Since my transfer and promotion to a town further away, we have decided to get a car for me to commute in. I had lots of cars in mind when we finally decided to get a car. I was picturing many, many types of vehicles. I pictured a little tiny Geo, or really old Honda. I even had the thought (seriously) cross my mind to look for an old diesel to make a grease car out of. Yes, I had many visions of our next car. I also had many requirements that a new car worthy and appropriate of my particular stage in life should have. Our new car had to have cruise control, air bags, be in good working condition, have minimal exterior damage, get good to decent gas mileage, be reasonably priced . . . and have a really nice sounding stereo. So, a few weeks ago, my wife and I decided to go ahead and make the purchase. The dealership my wife went to to get her vehicle (a really nice 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan) from had a really good deal on another vehicle as well. So we went and checked out what they had. Lo, and behold a pretty decent little Honda for a really good price. My wife and I got in and took it for a test drive. It was immediately obvious that this vehicle was previously owned by a teenager with more money than sense. How could I tell? The evidence from which I arrived at this conclusion was concrete and indisputable. The first clue: The kickin' after market stereo system with a 6-disc changer in the trunk and enough lights and buttons to confuse anyone at NASA. Now normally this wouldn't send off juvenile vibes on its own, but the second piece of evidence (marked "people's exhibit #2) was the obscene amount of bright red spray paint coating the dash, steering wheel, and anything else that used to be black plastic in the interior. "Interesting", says my wife. Interesting, indeed. Needless to say, we didn't purchase the vehicle, although by the end of the test drive, the stereo was kind of growing on me. But the car didn't have cruise control and the engine ran a little rough(a problem easily remedied by cranking the stereo up enough to drown out the sound of any engine noise. ) The next choice was a Dodge Stratus that was very, very nice but the price couldn't be lowered enough to make it affordable to me. Hence, choice number three which was what we ended up with. I have never owned a Buick before and I am really blessed to be able to afford a vehicle that meets my family's needs, and has most of the requirements I had been looking for. Not to sound ungrateful, but I was just getting used to being a member of the minivan club. If I may interject here, it is really hard, even if one is trying(which I'm not) to look excessively cool as a man while driving a minivan. So essentially, what high school started, driving a minivan finished off. Let's say however, that a tiny shred of He-man masculinity and hip young studness somehow survived the onslaught and lie cowering in the recesses of some minute emotional crevice. One way to completely nuke the lone surviving splinter of He-man masculinity and hip young studness is to drive a Buick Regal at 36 years old. Please don't misunderstand. I actually like the car. It drives smooth, has wonderful interior features, all-leather seats, stereo controls on the steering wheel, and a cassette/CD player with the stereo. It's just that something about a Buick that screams, "old-man car!!" Or maybe its my wife's voice screaming, "old-man car!!" wherever the voice is coming from, it is not lying. It IS an old man car. The best and worst features of my new Buick: Best: It doesn't matter how fast I drive, I always appear to moving slowly to everyone else. Seriously. I could be doing 100 miles an hour through a school zone and because I am driving a Buick the officer would wave at me as I went by with a deep nod of respect for the sweet old codger in the Buick. The reverse however is not true. When I go slower, it just looks like I'm going slower. The good part about that is everybody expects me to drive erratically and slow down and speed up and cross a line here and run a light there. It truly is amazing what I can get away with in this car. (just joking about that kids, your father does not now, or has not in the past ever had the urge to slow down.) The worst feature: the stereo. Its not what you think. The system has 8 speakers imbedded throughout the interior of the car. Along with the cassette/CD player previously mentioned and the volume it can achieve, it would seem like a dream come true. However, the good folks at GM have accomplished the incredible. The inconceivable. The groundbreaking scientists and engineers at Buick have designed through many trials and errors the mind-boggling feat of creating a stereo system that only sounds good playing NPR. I know you don't believe me. If I didn't own it, drive it and try to play music in it myself, I wouldn't believe it either. Fortunately, I don't have to worry much about listening to NPR for very long. Since the drive is only 35 miles one way, I can easily avoid long exposure to pseudo-intellectual hooey by driving 200 miles an hour. Good evening officer. My but these young people today sure respect their elders.

. . . more to follow.