but seriously folks . . .

Wow! Would you look at this. Here's another one. There must be something wrong. Well, there isn’t. I just have had a lot go through my mind lately and needed someplace to vent a little. I hope you don’t mind. Good.

Last month was a bittersweet month for me and I have been thinking a lot about it and finally had to get some thoughts down before I forgot them completely.

First of all, last month marked the 17th anniversary of my LDS mission to Georgia. It was March 7, 1990 that a nervous 19 year-old kid walked in to the MTC (missionary training center) in Provo Utah, and began a kind of odyssey that in a lot of ways continues to this very day. I have had a lot of time since then to think about that decision and the places it has led me. I didn’t know anything about anything then, but I sure thought I did. I still don’t know a whole lot, but I do know that I am closer to the person I want to be now because I made that choice than I would have been had I not boarded that plane that day. I have tried, but can not separate the experiences I had in the next two years from who I am, who I married, and who my children are. My mission didn’t give me all the answers I wanted. In fact, it raised more questions about myself, my religion, and my relationship with God than I thought existed. In the end, however, I found the answers to all the right questions. I found myself. I found a testimony of the Savior and his atonement. Somehow, somewhere, in the flurry and storm of hot, humid days, constant self doubt, longing for home, and physical/spiritual/emotional exhaustion I found God waiting for me and we established a relationship that is inconsistent, (all my fault, of course,) but more real than anything else I have yet to experience before or since—only my wedding day and the birth of my children can compare to it. Many things have come and gone as they tend to do in seventeen years. But one thing I have learned and kept close to me remains constant all these years. I know there is Someone out there who thinks I can do better. Someone who has faith in me regardless of the stupid things I do and will still be there should I need him. Knowing myself as well as I do that’s a very good thing, because as many times as I mess up and come crawling back for forgiveness we both know that there will always be . . . more to follow