Fruit of my loins

I've heard the question many times. Where do they get it? Of course I'm talking about children and the energizer bunny-type ability to go on forever without stopping. I heard my six-year old one time after running around the house, riding his bike for hours, building a fort, chasing his little sister, and running away from his big sister, tell me that he was tired and needed to rest--he was lying. He stopped for no less than 28 seconds and then with a battle cry of "Hey! That's MINE!" away he went full throttle. So, the question remains: Where do they get all that energy? I have a theory which I believe to be as valid as any the so-called scientific community can provide. Here goes: Children get their energy from their parents. I'm not talking in genetic terms. I'm talking literally. Children suck the energy straight from their parents. Think about it. You had energy before you had kids, right? You were able to get up out of the chair/sofa/loveseat without making those same grunting noises your parents made? You were able to play on the floor, stay up late at night, get around on anly a few hours sleep. What happened? You had kids. Somehow children have mastered the technology that has eluded the technological world for centuries. They are able to extract energy from adults to use for their own evil designs. Possibly the actual point of energy extraction is whe they elicit the anger response. Something about the frequency of their screams and whines triggers an increase of potential energy in me that when finally released becomes absorbed into their own type of fuel cell network. That's it! they are running on limbic energy. They are converting natural emotional distress and frustration into carbohydrates. My plan? I'm glad you asked. One of two things will work. One(and this is my least favorite) : Find some way of surgically disconnecting my limbic system. Two: become more Vulcan-like in my reactions to my children's bad behavior. I just won't respond with my normal emotional strategies because its just what they want. I'll live longer, they'll have less energy to use against me and maybe, I'll be able to keep up with them. And maybe somehow, someday, they'll come and ask me how where I get all my energy at such an old age.


More to follow . . .